


I Don't Wanna Be a Tiger

by Mildly_Maddy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, accidental outing of feelings, oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:43:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6861175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mildly_Maddy/pseuds/Mildly_Maddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Liam blinked at his phone, not sure of what he was seeing. So Louis was:</i>
</p><p>
  <i>a) apparently still sleeping with plush toys,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>b) dressing said plush toys with clothes stolen from Liam’s wardrobe, and</i>
</p><p>
  <i>c) effectively treating Liam’s jumper like a security blanket, his face pressed against the fabric, fingers hooked in the collar.</i>
</p><p><br/>In which Louis doesn't like to talk about how he sleeps at night, Liam is very very confused, and Freddie is still the most adorable baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Wanna Be a Tiger

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Elvis Presley's Teddy Bear ( _I don't wanna be a tiger Cause tigers play too rough, I don't wanna be a lion 'Cause lions ain't the kind you love enough. Just wanna be your Teddy Bear_ )
> 
> Huge thanks as always to [Randominity](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Randominity/pseuds/Randominity) for her lovely betaing and britpicking. <333
> 
> For northernboyslovegravy, who put the idea in my head and was completely unapologetic about it. I hope the end result pleases you. :)  
>   
> 

Liam blinked at his phone, not sure of what he was seeing. Briana had captioned the picture she’d sent him “ _Found him napping like that! ;)_ ”. It showed Louis curled up on a bed, on top of the covers, wearing an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, cuddled up to the giant teddy bear Liam had bought for Freddie two weeks before. He’d seen it in the shop and even though it was probably a perfect example of something one should _not_ get for an infant, he hadn’t been able to resist. Louis had seemed to love it, anyway, and had carefully placed it in a corner of Freddie’s nursery, very seriously telling the baby in his arms that it would keep watch over him.

The bear in the picture was wearing a dark blue jumper, the sleeves way too long for its stuffed arms, the hem reaching down to its stuffed knees. It hadn’t been wearing anything when Liam had bought it. Liam zoomed in on the picture with two fingers, and caught a green triangle peeking out from under Louis’s arm. It took a few seconds, but recollection eventually set in. He had been wondering where that jumper had gone to.

So Louis was:

a) apparently still sleeping with plush toys,

b) dressing said plush toys with clothes stolen from Liam’s wardrobe, and

c) effectively treating Liam’s jumper like a security blanket, his face pressed against the fabric, fingers hooked in the collar.

He wondered if Briana had recognized the jumper from their London Session video (if she had even seen it). He wondered why Louis had nicked it in the first place, when it came to that. Liam had thrown it on a chair at the end of the interview and when he’d gathered his stuff to leave, the jumper had been nowhere to be found.

But most of all he wondered why Louis would dress a teddy bear in one of Liam’s jumpers and cuddle up to it as if his life depended on it.

He sent a text message to Louis to let him know he’d be there for dinner, and packed up his bag.

\--

“And so to what do I owe this visit?” Louis asked him a few hours later, once they’d extricated themselves from each other’s arms. When they'd hugged, Louis had pressed his face against the curve of Liam’s neck and breathed in deeply, Liam was sure he hadn’t imagined that. All he could think of was the picture in his phone, burning a hole through his pocket.

“Just thought I’d come see how my nephew’s doing,” he said instead, grinning in front of Louis’s pleased expression. Louis’s pride every time someone so much as mentioned his son was something Liam didn’t think he’d ever get tired of witnessing.

“Well you're lucky, he's just woken up from his afternoon nap,” Louis said, leading the way upstairs to the baby’s room.

“Of course he did. He knew I was coming.” 

Freddie had taken an instant liking to his goofy uncle Liam, falling asleep in his arms after two minutes the first time Louis introduced them and crying bloody murder when someone else had tried to take him away. Now that he was a bit older, he also gave the biggest smiles any time Liam was nearby, which never failed to make both Liam and Louis grin like idiots.

When they got to his room, Freddie was chirruping at his hanging mobile (whales and dolphins, a birthing gift from Harry), reaching up to it every few seconds before getting distracted by his own hands. Louis scooped him up and held him seated in the crook of one arm, turning back towards Liam.

“Look who's here! You remember Payno, don't you lad?”

Freddie’s delighted cooing was answer enough and Liam beamed as Louis gently transferred his son to his arms.

“Man, he's gotten bigger again.”

“That's a thing that tends to happen to babies, yes,” Louis teased, but his smile was fond when Liam glanced up at him.

“D'you get to keep him overnight?”

“Yes. Briana’s taking him to visit a cousin or something next week, so she’s letting me have him a bit more this week. Dropped him off this morning.”

Louis’s tone was light, but Liam knew how hard he took the whole shared custody situation. They’d always known things wouldn’t be easy, with him and Briana not being a couple, but Liam didn’t think Louis had quite realized just how hard not being able to see his son all the time would be until Freddie had been put in his arms that first day. Freddie had turned six months old a few days ago and Louis’s anxiety at possibly missing his son’s first words was palpable.

“So have you written any lullabies yet?” Liam asked, smoothly moving the subject away from visitation rights. They remained standing in the middle of the room for a long while, talking about music and football matches, Liam’s gaze firmly fixed on Freddie’s wide-eyed face the whole time, drinking him in.

Finally there came a lull in the conversation, and Liam let himself take a proper look around the room. The size of the bear made its absence pretty easy to ascertain, and before he could think about it, Liam heard himself ask, “Where's the bear? The one I got him.”

Louis’s eyes widened. “Oh. Uh… Must have left it in my room,” he said, looking away as if making sure the bear wasn’t there.

“In your room?”

“Yeah... Me and Freddie took a nap on my bed the other day. Didn't we lad?” Louis addressed the last question to his son, leaning forward, still not looking at Liam. Freddie gurgled and grabbed his father’s nose with pudgy fingers.

“With the bear?” Liam prodded.

Louis seemed to cast about for something to say, then his lips stretched into a triumphant grin. “T’was just to make sure Freddie wouldn't roll off the bed, y’know?” he said, finally glancing up at Liam. “I'll just go fetch it,” he added, striding out of the room.

Liam shifted his hold on Freddie so the baby was facing him and followed Louis, Freddie happily drooling on his shoulder. Louis glanced behind him, clearly taken aback.

“You can wait in his room, I'll be right back,” he said, pausing in front of a closed door.

“It's okay,” Liam said.

Louis seemed to hesitate, then turned the doorknob and stepped inside.

The bear was lying in the middle of his bed, still wearing the jumper.

“Hey, that’s my jumper! I wondered where that had gotten to,” Liam exclaimed, because it would have been weird not to comment on it.

Louis didn't say anything, grabbing the bear and fiddling with the sleeves of Liam's jumper, looking as if he couldn't decide whether to take it off or not.

“I thought it suited him. Can't have bears going around naked, can I?” he said eventually, throwing a half-hearted smirk Liam's way.

“You stole that jumper from me months before I got the bear though,” Liam pointed out, and he hadn't thought of it before but now he suddenly wondered what Louis had done with the jumper before he'd decided to put it on the bear. Had it just been folded in a drawer, a strange keepsakes of sorts?

He was sure he was not imagining the flush spreading over Louis's face. “That jumper’s hideous,” Louis said, still fiddling with it. “Had to make sure you'd never wear it again.”

“Hey, I like it!”

“Well you can't have it back,” Louis countered, lightning quick. “It's Freddie’s now.”

Liam looked down, remembering the baby in his arms. Freddie was half-asleep, his chubby cheek pressed against Liam’s shoulder, one hand loosely fisted around Liam’s t-shirt. 

He looked up as Louis laid his hand on his baby's head, fingertips tenderly stroking the soft hair. The bear was dangling from Louis's other hand, one back paw reaching the floor.

“So d'you often sleep with stuffed toys then?” Liam blurted out.

Louis took his hand away and stepped back. “It was just a nap with Freddie, there's no need to take the pis-”

“Briana sent me a picture. Of you, sleeping with it. It was just you.” 

Liam didn't quite know where the words were coming from, or why he was seemingly incapable of letting this thing go. But the more flustered Louis got, the more Liam wanted to put him on the spot, even though it went against everything he believed in. It was like there was an itch he couldn't soothe no matter how long he scratched it.

“Why would she… When did she send it?” Louis asked, voice sharp. Liam hoped this wouldn’t cause trouble between Louis and Briana, but it was too late to take it back.

“Earlier today.”

“Is that why you came?” Louis asked incredulously. “Just to tease me about the bear?”

“Of course not,” Liam lied. “I just thought… It just made me want to see you.” Truth be told, he hadn't thought about it at all. The need to see Louis face to face had been so imperious he hadn't questioned it.

“Yeah, well. Haha, you found me out.” Louis didn’t sound like he found any of it remotely funny. He raised the bear to his chest and hugged it. Liam wasn't convinced he realized he was doing it.

“If you’re that desperate for cuddles you could always cuddle me,” he said with a little laugh, desperate to lighten the mood.

Louis's entire face shut off. “Oh just go fuck yourself,” he snapped, striding to the nearest wardrobe and stuffing the bear inside before slamming the door on it.

Liam couldn’t remember the last time Louis had sounded genuinely upset with him. “I was only teasing,” he faltered, gently bouncing Freddie up and down as the baby stirred against his chest.

“Yeah, whatever. I'll go make him a bottle, he'll be hungry soon.” Louis took Freddie from Liam’s arms with gentle care, but everything in his posture made it clear he was only doing it for his baby’s sake, and Liam felt out of his depth. He’d had to grow a thicker skin in the five years since they’d become bigger than themselves, but Louis being angry at him was not something he’d ever known how to handle.

He stood aimlessly in the middle of the room after Louis had left, unsure what to do. When it became clear Louis was not coming back, Liam went down to the kitchen, but Louis wasn't there. Liam got himself a beer and moved to the living-room, left to hope that he would not spend the evening alone.

\--

Louis did return eventually, gently laying Freddie down on his play mat before striding back out of the room, coming back with two beers and a packet of crisps. He was all forced cheerfulness and frantic babbling, and Liam let him lead the discussion, laughing in all the right places and offering himself as the butt of the jokes with good grace until Louis's laughter became genuine again.

They had pizza for dinner, Louis forcing his phone into Liam’s hands as he fed a piece of mozzarella cheese to Freddie, who seemed nonplussed by it and spit it back in the form of drooly purée after ten minutes.

Once all the food had been eaten and the plates put away, Louis went to get Freddie ready for bed and Liam made his way back to the living room, setting up Netflix and relaunching the last episode of Blacklist Louis had apparently stopped midway through.

The episode was almost over when Louis appeared besides the couch, holding a sleeping Freddie in his arms. He deposited the baby on Liam's chest before slumping down in the couch and resting his head against Liam's shoulder, one hand coming up to lie protectively over his son's back.

Liam refrained from saying anything, all too aware that a single word might make Louis revert to fight-and-flight mode. He let himself enjoy the proximity; it had been a long time since he'd last gotten to be this cozy with Louis, and having him pressed up against his side again, one ankle hooking over Liam's, Louis's hair tickling his jaw, made Liam realize just how badly he had missed it.

Louis looked happy in a quiet kind of way when they finally said goodnight, and Liam wondered if maybe that had been what Louis had needed all along, and if the bear would return to its rightful place in Freddie’s bedroom.

\--

He was still wondering about it at 2am, when he finally gave up on sleep and got up, tiptoeing to Louis's bedroom and carefully opening the door.

He knew he was being stupid, and nosey, but his brain refused to think about anything else. He just needed to see if that picture Briana had taken was just a fluke or… or more.

Louis's bedroom was awash with moonlight, the curtains pulled open, the floor strewn with discarded clothes and baby toys. Louis was curled up in the middle of his bed, under the sheets, hands clenched around the bear, face pressed against Liam's jumper.

Liam looked at him for a long time, then slowly made his way to the bed, taking a hold of the bear’s head and pulling gently. Louis only gripped it harder, eyebrows scrunching up, but Liam didn't let go and eventually Louis surrendered the toy, rolling to his other side with a sleepy grunt.

Liam looked at the bear, and paused. He brought it to his face; the jumper still smelled faintly of sweat, cigarette smoke and Liam's cologne.

He thought back to Louis with his nose pressed to the fabric, Louis sleeping while breathing Liam’s smell in, as if this was something soothing.

It wasn't soothing to _him_. It was pretty much the opposite of soothing in fact, and Liam's heart was beating so hard and so loud, he didn't know how Louis could sleep through the noise.

He sat on the bed on Louis's side, the bear in his lap, looking down at it as if it could somehow make all of this less confusing. He knew he should go; he'd violated Louis's privacy enough as it was, and Louis would probably be furious if he woke up and caught Liam here, never mind that they'd shared hotel beds and cramped bus bunks more times than either of them could count, whenever their constant life on the road got too hard to take and they needed to feel home for a little while.

Louis huffed in his sleep, and suddenly there was an arm around Liam's waist and Louis's face pressed against his lower back, and he could _feel_ the drag of air as Louis breathed in, long and deep, his arm tightening around Liam.

“C’m’back to bed,” Louis mumbled into Liam's t-shirt, his fingers slipping under it to brush, featherlight, against Liam's side. “Sleep better when you're here…” he added with a sigh, and Liam almost yelped when Louis's teeth nipped at him through the fabric.

Louis would kill him when he found out about this, but truth be told Liam also tended to sleep better when Louis was around, and lying down next to him was so much easier than going back to his room and staring at the ceiling some more trying to process all of this.

Louis's grip on his waist loosened as Liam gingerly laid down on his side, back turned to Louis, gently dropping the bear to the carpeted ground. It didn't take a minute for Louis to start tugging at him, and Liam wriggled around, feeling too big for his own skin. He breathed out as Louis instantly cuddled up to him, slipping a knee between Liam's thighs and hooking an ankle over his calf, soft puffing breaths fanning against Liam's collarbone.

The circumstances were perhaps a little different, but the feeling of Louis invading his space and snoring against his skin was so familiar as to be second nature, and before he could think about anything more Liam found himself drifting off to sleep, nose buried in Louis's hair, fingers splayed out over the soft skin of Louis's lower back, keeping him close.

\--

When he next opened his eyes the bedroom was golden in the morning sun, and Louis was staring at him, pink and scruffy and quite confused.

“You weren't here when I went to sleep,” Louis said, like he needed the confirmation.

“Crept in in the middle of the night. Couldn't sleep.”

Louis nodded, as if Liam made complete sense, then blinked and glanced behind him, before raising himself on one elbow and looking down the length of the bed.

“I put the bear on the ground,” Liam said.

Louis's head snapped back to him, then he shrugged, laying back down on his side. “I wasn't looking for it.”

“You were cuddling it when I came in.”

“Oh. Was I?” Louis asked, in a casual tone that fooled absolutely no one.

“Yeah, you were. Had to wrestle it off you, actually.” Liam genuinely hadn’t intended to bring the subject up again, but something in Louis’s eyes, in the way his body tensed up, made him want to poke and prod at him until the truth, whatever it would turn out to be, came out.

“Are you going to take the piss again?” Louis snapped, frowning down at the mattress. “So I've been a little cuddle-deprived, so what. I've seen you hugging your pillow before.”

“You put my jumper on it,” Liam said, because he was quite sure this was what everything hinged on.

Louis looked murderous. “Look I _missed_ you, okay?! I missed you and you weren’t around for a cuddle and I just… I just fucking improvised. Can we not make a fucking big deal out of this?!”

“But you were sleeping with it even though I was in the house. Why didn't you just ask me for a cuddle then?”

“I didn't… I thought…” Louis stammered, clearly flustered. “I just got used to it!” he finally exclaimed, sitting up. “And I liked that jumper, that doesn't mean-”

“You didn't wash it.”

Louis’s back went rigid, but he didn’t look back at Liam. “What?”

“The jumper, you didn't wash it,” Liam repeated, sitting up in his turn. “It still smells like me.”

Louis was staring straight ahead, and Liam could barely see his profile, couldn’t see his expression, but his voice was cold when he spoke next. “Liam… don’t do that to us. Please. Just… just drop it.”

“Just drop what?” Liam asked, scooting forward so he could properly see Louis’s face. He looked like he was trying to shut everything off, and Liam hated that even more than he had hated Louis looking angry at him.

“This. Just drop this,” Louis said, and Liam was about to protest, say that this didn’t explain anything, when Louis started speaking again. “I’m sorry, okay? I know it’s creepy. I didn’t mean…” He sighed, fiddling with the bunched sheets in his lap, his fringe falling into his eyes as he looked down. “Can we just pretend you don’t know about this?” he finally asked, voice strangled.

“No.”

Louis’s shoulders visibly tensed. “No?”

“No,” Liam said again, feeling his heart speeding up in his ribcage. The unformed thoughts that had been nagging at him since that picture had popped up on his phone were finally taking shape, all the pieces falling into place with deafening clicks, but it sounded so insane and he needed to be sure. “Why didn’t you wash it?” he asked, not giving Louis a chance to answer before the next question came tumbling out; “Why did you take it in the first place? Why did you breathe it in like it's-”

He stopped mid-sentence, speech being made difficult by Louis kissing him, a bruising press of his lips against Liam’s half-parted mouth as Louis’s fingers clenched around his jaw.

“That’s why,” Louis said when he finally leaned back, his hands shaking against Liam’s face. His eyes kept flicking down to Liam’s mouth, pupils widening when Liam slowly licked his own lips, trying to process what had just happened. 

Louis’s hands dropped from Liam’s face and Louis turned away, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed but not getting up. “Look I’m getting a grip on it, okay?” he said, not looking at Liam. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s nothing,” Liam absentmindedly repeated, mind still reeling with the memory of Louis’s lips on his.

“That’s the spirit.”

Louis made to stand up, and Liam reached out on reflex, grabbing Louis's arm to keep him seated.

“Payno, I kinda need to be alone right now,” Louis said, voice tense but not unkind.

“ _I_ don't,” Liam said. “I mean, I don't think I should stay alone right now,” he added when Louis tried to get up again. “I'd just like to… Can we talk about this?”

“I'd really rather not.”

Liam's grip faltered as he tried to find the right words to say, and Louis took the opportunity to get up. He strode to the door and laid a hand on the doorknob, then paused, like he was bracing himself for something. “We’re good, right?” he asked, not turning around.

Liam wasn't quite sure how he got from point A to point B, still acting on reflexes alone while his mind was stuck on that kiss, but suddenly he found himself crowding Louis against the door, hands on either side of Louis’s shoulders, conscious that he was invading his space and unable to make himself step away.

He couldn’t decipher Louis’s expression, a weird mix of defiance and fear as Louis stared at him without saying a word, waiting. Liam didn’t know what to do, but he knew he didn’t want to leave this to fester between them. Whatever was going on, they needed to have it out now. They needed to have a serious discussion. If only Liam could stop staring at Louis’s lips. The fact that they’d been pressed against his own lips just five minutes before was surreal.

“You kissed me,” he said, moving a hand to brush his fingertips against the stubble on Louis’s cheek, feeling Louis tense up at the touch.

“Five points to Hufflepuff for observation skills.” Louis’s voice was raw, and he kept stock-still, eyes fixed on Liam’s face.

“I wouldn’t be in Hufflepuff,” Liam said absentmindedly, then shook his head. “Look, I just… I had no idea.”

“You _would_ be, and that was kind of the point, yes,” Louis quipped, his voice getting softer as Liam leaned closer, close enough to feel Louis's quick breaths fanning over his mouth. Something inside him was quietly taking control and he didn’t feel like fighting it.

“Li…” Louis breathed against his lips, but he didn’t move away when Liam kissed him, just a soft touch of their lips, so foreign and yet, in a way Liam didn’t understand, so familiar.

“Just… Just let me try this,” Liam said, kissing Louis again, a firmer press of his mouth this time, feeling the unfamiliar prickle of Louis's stubble against his upper lip. He didn't know what made him more light-headed, the feel of Louis's lips against his or the knowledge that he was kissing his best friend, but he knew he wanted more. It was the only conscious thought in his brain, cutting through the fog like a knife: he wanted more, more of Louis, more of this.

“You’re forcing yourself,” Louis said in a hush as Liam leaned ever so slightly back, only to lean down again, gently sucking on Louis's lower lip. 

“No. I want to,” Liam said, his fingers sliding down to Louis’s shoulder as he kissed him yet again. All his focus was narrowed down to Louis’s lips and the promise of warmth and wetness as Louis opened his mouth a little. Liam had never even thought about kissing Louis but now that he had he couldn't understand why he hadn’t done it before. He wanted to explore Louis’s mouth until his lips grew sore from kissing, skin red from stubble-rash.

It felt right, somehow. It felt like something they _should_ be doing, and it didn’t feel so different from things they’d done before, either. The nipple tweaks and dick slaps and fake wrestling, Liam had always known they were all declarations of friendship and love, a bit like pulling the pigtails of the girl you liked in kindergarten. Kissing wasn’t so different; it was just much more honest. It was also much, _much_ more enjoyable, Liam thought as Louis finally kissed him back, the tip of his tongue coaxing Liam's own tongue into play. Liam slid a hand into Louis’s hair as he deepened the kiss, breathing heavily through his nose, not wanting to let go for something as insignificant as air.

Just when he thought Louis had given into… whatever that was, Louis broke the kiss, pushing Liam away with a hand on his shoulder. “Stop,” he said, breathing raggedly, his arm straining against Liam’s weight when Liam tried to kiss him again.

“I don't want to stop,” Liam said, struggling against Louis's grip on his shoulder.

“Well tough luck, because you are,” Louis snapped, wriggling free. He walked a few feet to the middle of the room, raking his hands through his hair. “Fuck, Li, this isn’t a game!”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” Louis said, glancing at him. 

Liam wanted to kiss him some more. He did not want to talk about this or think about it. He walked up behind Louis and pressed a kiss right below his ear, hands gently coming to rest on Louis’s hips. 

Louis sprang away as if burnt, turning to face him. “ _What_ are you playing at, Payno?” He took a step back, but Liam took a step forward, then another, until he had Louis pressed against a wall once more. Louis looked up at him, mutinous, clearly ready for a fight, and Liam had no clue what to think anymore, most of his brain too busy playing back their kisses in technicolor, clamoring for an encore.

“I’m not playing,” he said truthfully. “I’m just trying to… to figure this out,” he added, brushing his lips against Louis’s.

“I swear to god if you’re messing me about-”

“When have I _ever_ done that?” Liam said, not trying to hide the hurt from his voice. “Look, I know I’m not always the smartest crayon in the box-” Louis opened his mouth but Liam soldiered on before he could say anything. “-and I admit I hadn’t seen any of this coming, but… Just give me a chance alright? I’m not fucking with you, I promise.”

Louis shook his head, but he was the one to initiate the kiss this time, tipping his face up and catching Liam's lips with his.

Liam couldn’t have said how long they kissed for, Louis’s hands gripping his arms almost painfully every time Liam leaned back to catch a breath, Liam’s own fingers sliding into Louis’s unkempt hair, brushing against the nape of his neck, stroking the curve of his ears as they kissed, and kissed some more, until his lips felt numb from stubble-rash, his brain blissfully empty of thoughts.

It took a while for Freddie’s cries to pierce through the fog in his head, but they did eventually and Liam stepped back, letting Louis slip away to his son’s room. 

How long did it take to feed a 6-month-old baby, Liam wondered, sitting back on the bed. And change his nappy, and possibly put him back to bed. How long should he wait until giving up and accepting that Louis was not coming back?

In the end he didn't have to wait long. It seemed like no time at all before Louis was standing in the doorframe, watching Liam as if he’d never seen him before. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here,” he said, tone almost defiant.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come back.”

“I’m not sure why I did.” Louis seemed to hesitate, wavering on his feet, then closed the door and came to sit down next to Liam, their sides pressed together from shoulder to foot.

Louis rested his elbows on his knees, tipping his head to the side to look at Liam, his fringe falling into his eyes. “We can still pretend nothing happened if you want to,” he said, as if this would be the easiest thing in the world.

Liam shook his head, reminding himself about the bear. _Louis_ was the one who’d been thinking about all these things. Liam wasn’t about to let him act as if it hadn’t meant anything. “I don’t want that,” he said, trying to make his voice firm without it being harsh.

“Then what _do_ you want?” Louis asked, an edge to his voice. Quick as lightning, he straddled Liam’s lap, laying both hands on Liam’s shoulders. “D’you want to make out?” he said, leaning down to speak directly into Liam's ear. “Or maybe you want us to fuck? Just to see what it's like, getting your dick sucked by a bloke?”

Liam grimaced, pushing at Louis's shoulder until he straightened up. “Don't be a dick. It won't work.”

Louis narrowed his eyes. “I'm just trying to figure out exactly when you're going to freak out. You're as straight as a plank, Payno, I don't know why you're pretending otherwise,” he said, almost spitting out the words, clearly looking for a fight.

But Liam wasn't about to give him that satisfaction. When Louis made to speak again, Liam leaned up and kissed him, slipping his tongue inside Louis's mouth straight away, one hand creeping up into Louis's hair to keep him there. Louis made a sound of protest low in his throat, one hand coming down to viciously tweak Liam's nipple through his t-shirt, but he kissed back nonetheless, sucking on Liam’s tongue in a most perfect way. 

“I have no idea what I am,” Liam gasped, breaking the kiss. “I'd never… never thought of any bloke like that before,” he said, trying not to let Louis's judgemental frown get to him. He raised his hand to Louis's face, trailing his fingertips down his jaw. “But I like it,” he added, leaning up to brush his lips against Louis’s. “I like kissing you,” he whispered right against Louis’s parted lips, not failing to notice Louis’s sharp intake of breath. “I like your lips,” he said, gently sucking on Louis’s bottom lip to make his point, “and I like your tongue,” he said, slipping his tongue inside Louis’s mouth and kissing him deeply, hand clenching around Louis’s jaw as he kissed back, his own hands slipping into Liam’s hair. Louis moaned softly into his mouth and Liam broke the kiss, lips curling up, “And I really like those noises you make.”

“Shut up, I don’t make any noise,” Louis said, tipping his face down to catch Liam’s mouth with his again, and if Louis intended to shut Liam up by kissing him from now on, Liam wasn’t about to complain.

He slipped his hands under Louis's t-shirt, flattening his palms against Louis's lower back; he was surprised at how soft Louis's skin was, as if learning all these bits of him anew. Louis shivered and only kissed him harder. He felt almost brittle in Liam's arms, a bundle of nerves poised to flee if anything went wrong, but Liam made his kisses slow and soft and little by little he felt Louis relaxing under his hands, weighing more heavily on Liam's knees as Louis settled down.

Liam broke the kiss then, gently gripping the hem of Louis's t-shirt and tugging. Louis stared at him for what felt like hours, his look of defiance slowly turning into something less easily definable as he raised his arms up, letting Liam lift his shirt off. Liam was grateful for Louis not asking him what the fuck he was doing; he couldn’t have explained it anyway. He just knew he wanted more.

Looking down at Louis's naked torso should have been unremarkable, taking in sights he’d seen a thousand times before, but somehow right then everything took on a different hue, making Liam short of breath. He brushed his fingertips against the 78 on Louis’s chest, slid them down along Louis’s ribs, to the soft dip of his hipbone. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the curve of Louis’s neck, then to his shoulder, but found himself irresistibly drawn back to Louis’s lips, not yet satiated.

It took him a while to realize Louis was tugging on his t-shirt, fingers curled against his ribs, pushing the fabric up. “M’not gonna be the only wanker without clothes on,” he said, yanking Liam’s t-shirt over his head before kissing him, one arm wrapped possessively around Liam's shoulders, scooting even closer in Liam's lap.

Feeling Louis’s hard pecs against his own chest instead of the soft breasts he was used to was strange, but not disagreeably so, and it got much better when both of Louis’s arms curled around his back, hands coming to clutch at Liam’s shoulders from behind. Liam’s own hands slid down to Louis’s arse without him giving it much thought, just looking for a better purchase on his body, but the strangled moan Louis gave out made Liam tighten his hold, pushing Louis’s arse forward and… and Louis was hard, which was, well. Liam wasn’t sure if it was mortifying or the hottest thing he’d ever experienced, knowing that Louis was hard because of him, but that thought was quickly wiped away by the realization that his own body was reacting to it, his dick chubbing up in his sweatpants.

He loosened his grip over Louis’s arse, feeling his cheeks and neck heating up, then took his hands clean away.

“Ah,” Louis said, voice soft. “Is that when you freak out, then?”

“No,” Liam said, with more assurance than he felt, before rolling them over in one smooth motion, pressing Louis down on the mattress and leaning over him. The momentum pushed their crotches together again and Liam hastily shifted position to bracket Louis’s legs with his own, keeping himself up just enough for their bodies not to touch. He had grown half-hard and Louis's little pleased smirk left no doubt that he'd been able to feel it. Liam's neck felt on fire from embarrassment. 

“Gotta admit I wasn't expecting _that_ ,” Louis said, fingertips coming up to brush, featherlight, against Liam's side.

“I wasn't expecting it either,” Liam blurted out. He thought he saw disappointment flicker over Louis's face and leaned down to kiss him, trying to convey with his lips all the things he didn't know how to say outloud. He had no idea what he was doing, that much was true, but he also knew that he did not want to stop. He'd never felt so scared, not even standing on that X-Factor stage for the second time, desperate to prove Simon wrong - he'd never felt so scared, but he'd also never felt so sure about wanting something, no matter the cost. Making out with Louis was insane, but it also felt so natural he had to wonder if they hadn't done it before and he just didn't remember. Not even the chance of it ruining their friendship could have made him stop; he just knew he had to see this through.

“Care to share what's happening in that thick head of yours?”

Louis's voice cut clear through his thoughts and Liam realized he must have been staring into space like an idiot.

“Just… just thinking about how right this feels. And how completely bonkers, all at the same time,” he said, not sure as he did that these were the right words to say.

“Ah well, it’s all a fucking fevered dream anyway, isn’t it?” Louis said, his expression in between a smile and a frown. “We wake up, things go back to normal.” 

“Would that make a difference?” Liam asked, bending down to press a kiss to Louis’s sternum so he didn't have to look at his face. “If after this we go on as we used to… d’you want me to stop?”

“No.” The answer was immediate, Louis’s fingers clenching into a fist against the back of Liam’s head, as if he’d been trying to grab hair.

“Then I won't,” Liam said, kneeling back on Louis's thighs and placing his hands flat on Louis's chest. He brushed his thumb over a nipple, and Louis's intake of breath was the only sign he needed to know he was on the right track.

He'd tweaked Louis's nipples more times than he could count, and that had never been sexual, at least not to him. He wanted it to be different now, and so he didn't tweak, didn't hurt, instead gently swiping the pad of his thumb against the soft pink nub, wondering if Louis was as sensitive as he was. Louis took in another ragged breath, and Liam instantly craved more. He leaned down and flicked his tongue over Louis's nipple, once, twice, and now he could feel it hardening, reached out to tease the other one, rolling it between his thumb and index finger. Louis’s cock was stretching against the confines of his sweatpants, brushing against Liam's stomach whenever he leaned down, but Liam ignored it, quite sure he wasn't ready for that yet.

He pressed kisses down Louis’s ribs, along the taut skin of his hip bone, his fingers still busy teasing at Louis’s nipple. He’d bitten Louis or sucked on his fingers before, but the clean taste of Louis’ skin as Liam flicked his tongue over Louis’s belly felt brand new. 

Louis arched off the bed, his legs struggling under the weight of Liam’s arse, and he bit back a moan, the hand that wasn’t still trying to grab at Liam’s short hair clenching around the bed sheets. “Fuck, Li, don’t fucking tease.”

Liam looked up, confused, but Louis was staring straight up at the ceiling, jaw clenched.

“I’m not-” Liam started, but interrupted himself, suddenly realizing how close his mouth had been to Louis’s crotch, and how it must have felt like he was about to… “Sorry,” he muttered, crawling back up Louis’s body to kiss him, cheeks ablaze, slipping one hand to the back of Louis’s head. He felt Louis chuckle into the kiss, Louis’s hand sliding from Liam’s head all the way to the small of his back, making him shiver.

“Okay?” Louis whispered against his lips, halting the movement of his hand, fingers laying featherlight against Liam’s skin. Having Louis being so cautious was more unnerving than anything else he could have done and Liam kissed him again with feeling, wanting Louis to stop keeping himself in check. Louis’s fingers crept back up Liam’s spine, palm pressing down on his shoulder before sliding up to cup his jaw as Louis kissed back, his other hand letting go of the bed sheets to grab Liam’s arm instead.

Liam shifted, nudging Louis’s thighs apart with one knee and spreading his legs to rest more of his weight onto him, Louis’s cock pressing up against his thigh. It was comforting in a way Liam wouldn’t have expected his best friend’s cock to be; there was no urgency to it, just a solid, warm reminder that Louis wanted him. He tried not to think too much about how his own cock, very much hard by now, was trapped against Louis’s thigh, but when Louis bent his free leg, arching up ever-so-slightly under him, Liam found himself wanting to grind down; the urge was unexpected enough to make him break the kiss with a gasp, looking down at Louis with wide eyes.

It was then that a sudden wail came from Freddie’s room, slightly muffled by the thick walls but unmistakable in its urgency. Liam rested his forehead down against Louis’s shoulder, trying to get his heart and his body back under control. 

Louis had gone still under him. “Figured that’d happen,” he said with a slightly dazed chuckle. “I put his toys in his cot but he’s probably bored. I should-”

“Yeah, of course,” Liam said, rolling to his side. 

Louis turned his face towards him, his eyes intent. “Maybe we can… continue this later?” he asked, looking like he regretted the words as soon as they were out.

Liam could feel his heart beating all the way down to his fingertips, but the answer felt too obvious to question. He inched forward, pressing a kiss to Louis’s lips. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Louis’s smile alone made Liam’s nervousness worth it. Louis got up then, rummaging around his drawers for another t-shirt, but Liam remained lying down, waiting for things to start making sense again. Two minutes ago he had been ready to grind down against his best mate’s crotch like a horny teenager. The idea still felt surreal.

“Are we gonna be okay after this?”

Liam raised himself on his elbows. Louis stood next to the door, his hand on the doorknob, clearly reluctant to leave. Freddie’s cries had subsided, but Liam had no doubt he was still awake and ready to start clamouring for his daddy’s presence again.

“I… yeah, I think so.” He didn’t know what else to say. It was him and Louis. He couldn’t imagine things not being fine.

“A little more certainty would be reassuring, mate.”

Right. Louis looked like he wanted to bolt again, and Liam couldn’t have that. He stood up, walked up to Louis, and kissed him softly, thumb stroking his cheek. He looked into Louis’s eyes for a few quiet seconds, until Louis’s hard stare softened. “Yeah. We’re gonna be okay,” he said again, certain this time. “As long as you stop hugging that bloody bear instead of me,” he added, failing as always to hide his delight at his own little joke, which Louis rewarded with a vicious pinch to his side, as always.

“Hm, I don’t know,” Louis said, raising an eyebrow. “I really like that bear.”

“I’m better than the bear,” Liam insisted, bracketing Louis’s body with his arms and legs. He knew Freddie needed his daddy, but the temptation to kiss Louis again was very strong.

“Now now,” Louis said, his voice coming out soft as Liam leaned forward, his lips almost touching Louis’s parted mouth, “a little humility, Mr Payne…”

“I’ll show you, later,” Liam said, glancing down at Louis’s mouth as Louis licked his lips.

“... I’ll hold you to that,” Louis said, voice a little raw, pressing his lips against Liam’s in a quick, hard kiss before slipping out of the room.

Liam stood in place for a little while, then went back to his room. His phone was where he’d left it on the bedside table, and he flicked it unlocked, ignoring all the notifications to open his messaging app.

He stared at the photo for a while, smiling, then typed out: _Thannks for the headsup_. He added a couple grinning emojis, pressed Send, and went out to see what Louis and Freddie were up to.


End file.
